What's up Doc?
by katethegater
Summary: Locked in the infirmary, Sheppard and co play a little doctor at McKay's expense. Harmless fun with a little dose of ShWeir ship.


After the great reviews I received for my first fic 'The Atlantis Games' I have been inspired to write more for you. Although this is by no means a sequel, you may not understand a couple of the references later on in the story unless you have checked out 'The Atlantis Games' first.

Once again, I own nothing & never will but if I did it would be written into Joe's contract that he had to appear naked for at least half of every episode!

Thanks to my sis & beta Annie for keeping my 'ship' under control in my writing - luckily she can't beta my dreams!

Enjoy & review.

**What's Up Doc?**

"I'll bandage his head!" Ford grinned mischievously.

"I will attempt to immobilise his arm" Teyla joined them beside Rodney's sleeping form, a sling in her hand.

"Elizabeth…" John enquired innocently, "Wanna play doctor?" he raised his eyebrows suggestively and tugged on Beckett's stethoscope that was carelessly slung around his neck.

Elizabeth looked up from her typing, "I'm having no part in this Major." she replied sternly.

Sheppard merely shrugged and began rummaging through the medical supplies.

"…..Bingo!" Clapping his hands together he pulled a sterile packet from the drawer and joined his team mates, sniggering, as Rodney's snores grew louder.

"Did you really have to drug him?" Elizabeth asked warily as she made her way across the room to look over John's shoulder.

"It's not like we didn't warn him."

"I don't think he realised you were serious!"

-------------------Flashback-----------------------------

Teyla observed Sheppard and Ford's behaviour curiously as she crouched next to Elizabeth, who continued to tap on her palm pilot.

"Dr Weir?"

"Yes Teyla…"

"Do grown men on your world often engage in such activities?"

Elizabeth glanced across at her second in command who had cornered Ford against a gurney and was in the process of whacking him on the head with an inflated surgical glove. She raised her eyebrows and suppressed a grin.

"Not grown men Teyla…no!"

"I can't believe Beckett doesn't have any food in here." Rodney muttered to himself as he foraged through Carson's desk.

"McKay, just calm down will you, the geeks will have us out of here in no time." Sheppard sat on the gurney and, raising his hand, let go of the inflated glove, grinning in delight as it flew around the infirmary with a offensive rasp.

Rodney perched on the edge of the desk, his face flushed and damp with sweat, and crossed his arms defensively.

"You said that" he checked his watch in an exaggerated gesture, "over an hour ago!"

John cocked his head to one side and sighed "Well, I'm saying it again."

"Elizabeth!"

"Rodney, the Major is right." she conceded "There is nothing we can do but wait for Kavanagh and the other scientists to run a diagnostic on the door systems. I'm sure they're working as fast as they can."

McKay dashed over to the illuminated control panel and waved his hands frantically across the Ancient mechanism.

"We tried that already Mr Wizard." John snapped irritably.

"It's times like these I wish we carried Zat's." Ford murmured as he watched McKay's attempts to open the infirmary doors.

"Huh?" Sheppard looked puzzled.

"Different galaxy Sir."

"I hope you're not touching any of my bloody equipment!" Dr Beckett's familiar Scottish twang echoed through the wall.

Like a naughty school boy, Sheppard's cheeks coloured in embarrassment and despite the fact that the doctor (even with the Ancient Gene) couldn't see into the infirmary, he carefully removed the stethoscope from around his neck and placed it carefully back into its case.

"Carson!" Rodney shouted "Tell Kavanagh to pull his finger out and get these damn doors open……I'm starving and I cannot believe you don't have any food stashed away in here!"

There was a pause as Dr Beckett digested McKay's comment…._that cheeky bugger had been through his desk!_

"What have I just said about touching my bloody equipment man?"

Ignoring Dr Beckett completely, Rodney turned from the door and ran an agitated hand through his hair.

"What if we have to stay in here all night?………What am I going to eat and drink?……… Oh God, what am I going to do when I need the bathroom?"

"Rodney!" Elizabeth stood and walked over to the hyperventilating scientist, patting his arm lightly with her hand, " You really must try to stay calm otherwise you're liable to give yourself an anxiety attack."

"They can cause cardiac failure can't they?" he stammered, rubbing his chest.

"Well at least you'd be in the right place…..!" John muttered sarcastically.

Elizabeth turned, sending him an exasperated look.

"Major, you're really not helping!" she scolded.

"Maybe we should just knock him out until they fix the doors." he mused.

"You wouldn't!" Rodney dared.

Sheppard raised his eyebrows in response and glanced across at Elizabeth who closed her eyes with a groan. One thing you didn't do was dare Major Sheppard to do anything without thinking about the consequences……something she had witnessed first hand!

--------------End Flashback------------------------------

"There…" Sheppard took a step back from his handy-work and eyed McKay's leg critically. "I don't think the Doc could have done it better himself."

Ford, now similarly attired in green surgical scrubs, lowered his mask and nodded in approval.

"Very good Sir. Something tells me this isn't the first time you've done this".

"I did date a nurse once….!" he explained with a grin, his plaster covered hands outstretched as he headed for the sink oblivious to the fact that Elizabeth was standing directly behind him.

"Oh Crap!"

His hands came into direct contact with the fabric of her shirt, exactly at chest height. She now sported two rather embarrassing white, sticky handprints.

Teyla and Ford erupted into fits of laughter and Sheppard could swear he saw Rodney smirk……_probably just gas._

_This is so not how I'd imagined 'first contact', John thought to himself, his hands still resting on Elizabeth's shirt. Copping a feel in front of your team is not exactly smooth, remove your hands, John, remove them now! He stood frozen for a beat, while Elizabeth's face burned to match the colour of her shirt. _

" Err Major…..you can remove your hands now." Elizabeth's whisper snapped him out of his daze and he cleared his throat, removing his hands swiftly in the process.

"_I'm sorry about that…" he automatically went to wipe the plaster off her shirt, but Elizabeth's hands shot up to ward him off. _

"Accident's happen, Major." She took a step back from him and then a deep breath. She looked down at the hand prints on her chest and a hint of a smile appeared at the corner of her mouth.

She looked up again and Sheppard was still staring at her, with a smile of his own tugging at his lips.

"So how long before we can sign it?" Ford interrupted, snapping the mask onto the top of his head like a party hat and wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his gown.

"What is this? Does everyone get to grope me today?" Elizabeth asked, shocking the lieutenant into a stutter.

"No no no, Dr Weir, I meant McKay's cast. I would never suggest that we all touch your…. Erm… no, not at all…" Sheppard patted him on the shoulder, as much to allay his fear that he had insulted Dr Weir as to shut him up.

The Infirmary doors suddenly whooshed open allowing a harassed Dr Beckett to enter.

"What the bloody hell……….." Carson gasped incredulously as he took in the scene before him.

Both Ford and Teyla were sitting on a bed gowned up in surgical uniforms. Teyla looked like she had been crying and Aidan hic-cupped violently beside her as he hid a partially inflated rubber glove behind his back.

Major Sheppard, also in scrubs was dripping sloppy plaster of paris onto the floor while a flushed Dr Weir stood over by the desk gnawing at her bottom lip nervously and attempting to cover two large white hand prints that adorned her chest area.

And as for Rodney………..all Beckett could see was a motionless figure sprawled across a gurney trussed up like a mummy.

"Well…..someone's been having fun!" Carson reprimanded.

"Carson….." Elizabeth sighed apologetically.

The doctor held his hands up to silence her and walked across to examine Dr McKay more closely.

Elizabeth, Sheppard, Teyla and Ford lined up at Beckett's desk, their heads bowed slightly like naughty school children that had been sent to the headmasters office.

"This is all your fault, Ernie!" Elizabeth hissed in John's ear.

"You enjoyed it just as much as I did……..Snoop." he replied mischievously, his eyes drifting down her shirt.

Elizabeth grinned despite herself as she elbowed the Major in the ribs.

"Well….." Carson sighed, his lip twitching slightly as he walked over to them. He opened the desk drawer and pulled out a black magic marker and grinned evilly, it was pay back time.

"Plaster's dry, I get to write first."

"It's the least we can do Doc." Sheppard agreed happily as they all crowded around McKay's dribbling form.

Carson sat on the gurney and grabbed Rodney's leg non too gently ,laid it across his lap and pondered for a moment before he started scribbling.

"Now…..och yes. There once was a geek called McKay….!"

The End


End file.
